41, writer/musician/model, single
What does "having it all" mean to you? At this point since it’s changed over the years, “having it all” is finding the balance to sustain myself physically and emotionally, while feeling a sense of creative fulfillment. I figured out a long time ago that I am a sensitive and creative person. I don’t belong in worlds in which creativity does not thrive. I get frustrated and anxious. Any kind of creative career is frustrating. But I realize the hand I’ve been dealt in this life is a great one.
What do being a writer, model and musician have in common? My creative fulfillment comes back to writing, my first love. I love the tangible quality of writing. A performance is a transition—it’s there and it’s gone. You never get that exchange of energy, it just becomes a memory. When I write, I’ve created something with a life of it’s own. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and worth. Being a musician and model have the same highs and lows. They are both presentation careers, a lot of appearance versus what they actually are.
What are your current goals? I’m not shying away from my age now. Moving into my forties has been a balance of my childlike wonder with adult responsibilities. I need to strike a better balance so I don’t lose myself in the mundanity of adulthood, but get better at 'adulting.' I don’t feel like my life has changed much in the twenty years since college. I am still single. I’ve never been forced to strike a work-life balance. I’ve never had a 9-5pm job. I’m terrified of the day I try to impose a structure. On one hand is a huge relief but it leaves me floundering. All of my purpose has to be self-motivated, self-manufactured. It’s both frightening and freeing.