40, founder of lifestyle management service
partnered, son (age 7 months)
Interviewed the day before the birth of her son
How are you feeling right now? In less than 12 hours I’m having a baby. I am nervous and excited and a little elated. I am terrified because I am 39 years-old, and used to having autonomy. Will I be able to keeping him alive? It’s a lot of responsibility. But I feel as prepared as I can be.
What does “having it all” mean? For me, “having it all” is synonymous with a balance between contentment and accomplishment. Tomorrow is going to be the happiest day of my life—meeting the person I am happiest to meet. It will be on terms that are unprecedented. This might be the final piece of having it all.
How you did you decide to have a baby right now? The decision came purely from realizing my age. It’s something that I wanted to do, and the time for putting it off has come to the end. If I want to have a baby, I should just get on it, rather letting the decision be made for me. In tandem with my partner, we agreed that while we weren’t sure it’s the ideal time, we’ve been waiting for the ideal time for a long time. We’re not married, but it doesn’t mean we’ll never be. At this moment, getting married would be too much—eventually we’ll get to that. We don’t have a concrete plan, and I’m ok with that.
How do you think having a baby will change your life? I already feel he’s going to be amazing. It think it’s going to be exciting to take on responsibility – taking on someone’s entire life. To create the space for him to be the best possible him. This is just the biggest project I have taken on. It’s really frightening because I've never done this before, but I’m trusting it’s going to be good. This sense of confidence might disapper the minute he’s in my arms. He’s going to tell me what he needs.
Portrait by Naomi Abraham